Thursday, November 24, 2005

daughters

Monica is at Nature School for two nights, three days. She left yesterday morning and will be returning tomorrow, late afternoon. We went through the check list several times so I hope she has everything.
“Warm socks, four pairs”
“Check”
“Water proof mittens”
“Check”
“Sleeping bag”
"Check”
“snow pants”
“I don’t want to take snow pants.”
“You better, Monica. Might snow.”
“No one else is taking snow pants”
“But say it does snow, think about walking around in wet jeans all day. BRRR.”
“O.K. I’ll bring them.”

I’m glad she did. It snowed last night and it’s freezing this morning. I wonder how she’s doing? It’s such a great adventure for her and her class.

Last evening Greg and I went down to an information night at Erin’s school regarding High School choices. It was worthwhile although she is 90% decided on the high school she will attend.


Came home curled up on the couch and started channel flicking. Landed on a Faith Hill Concert. Erin walks in.

“Who’s that?”
“Faith Hill.”
“what does she sing?”
“Country.”
‘Anything else on.”
“I thought I would watch this for a while.”
“AH Mom!”

But she sits down next to me anyway and although it doesn’t dawn on me immediately, I am pleasantly shocked when I realize that she is leaning against me, her head on my shoulder. What a rare occurrence these days. Should I say something? No, better not, because thirteen year old daughters are like wild deer and you never quite know what will send them bounding off. So, I stay perfectly still, I don’t move a muscle, and we watch Faith Hill for a while.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Sunday

Sunday and I thought maybe I would sneak down here and write for a few hours because I have been writing so little. Lately I never seem to get chunks of time big enough to get into my stories. I hover at the edge, changing a line here, changing a line there, kind of knowing where I want to go with it but afraid to start out because I will be called back and then I’ll get frustrated. But then again, I am happy to be busy these days. Well my version of busy, which probably falls very short of other’s people definition of busy.

Greg and I went to a dinner party last evening. It was a friend’s birthday and it was a very nice evening out. One of the guests sat down at the piano after the meal and began to play and sing and he was so good – and then the birthday guy pulled out his guitar and it began to feel a bit like a down east kitchen party, the only thing missing was a harmonica and a fiddle. It was fun. Before the party I ended up taking Monica to the Harry Potter movie. The 3:30 show. We had asked Erin to join us but she opted for going shopping with her friends. I enjoyed the movie and Monica absolutely loved it. Today we are off to find light fixtures and flooring for the kitchen - Really, I have no right to complain about absolutely anything. I am thankful everyday for the things I have been giving but still I got this dull ache yesterday, this incrediable sinking feeling, when I opened up my e mail and found yet another rejection note from an ezine. Immediately afterwards, I told myself. “That’s it. How many times do I have to hear this before I catch a clue? I’m not thick skinned enough for this.” But then the sinking feeling rebounded a bit this morning and I was aching to try again -- telling myself that I just need to write more, edit more, try a new approach, read more, put more effort into it. A part of me is real enough to know this dream may never be fulfilled and I hope some day I can come to grips with that but at the same time I don’t know who I would end up becoming without this dream? And I get so much enjoyment from it and I know that should be enough, I wish that could be enough – I hate that sinking feeling that accompanies every rejection.

Friday, November 18, 2005

mornings

I’m not sure what happened this morning but everything kind of spun out of control for an hour or so until I wanted to run screaming from the house. It started out the same as any other morning except Erin had swim class and she couldn’t find her bathing suit and so I helped her look for it for twenty minutes until I came to the realization that there was a better than 75% chance that it was, and still is, in a plastic bag at the bottom of her locker for the past week, no doubt growing a nice layer of mildew. On top of that she wanted me to review math with her because she has a test today and she gets so anxious before a test but when we sat down to do that, Monica, who is feeling so much better, had to take advantage of her sister’s current frazzled state by egging her which started a major yelling match between the two and meanwhile the dogs are running about the house sounding more like a herd of elephants than two small puppies and no, I wasn’t at all in any mood to deal with things efficiently and so I’m getting worked up, trying to do five things at once and then here comes Greg, who seems never to be touched by the morning chaos in this household , and he gives me a bit of a look as he calmly gets ready for work and heads out the door with his coffee and briefcase. It was all I could do not to leap through the air and tackle him to the ground just to make sure he was not an apparition belonging to some other dimension. The dimension where the truly organized souls dwell untouched by those of us who are constantly pulling our hair out in the chaotic realm. Anyway, by the time I walked Monica to school and the dogs over to the dog park I was much better. The ground now is hardening and the puddles have frozen over and the dogs who are a bit more frisky in the cooler weather ran about the park with their buddies, the ones they have bonded with nicely over the past month and who regularly show up every morning at this time. They love going there and I do too. I enjoy the conversations with the other dog owners and the fresh air always acts like a second cup of coffee for me and by the time I get back here, I am ready to settle into a morning routine, get a little work done (well sometimes).

The Harry Potter movie is out this weekend. Monica wants to go tonight but I’m trying hard to avoid the opening weekend. We finally found the right general contractor for us and a great cabinet guy and they’re ready to start on our kitchen next week. Cutting it really short but we’re hoping to have a brand new kitchen by Christmas. Why not add a bit more madness to the mayhem around here but hopefully the dust will all settle by January and I’ll have a dishwasher and more counter and cupboard space and maybe then I will get organized and join Greg in his world.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Sunday

9:30 and I am still in my pajamas. The cat is stretched out on the open phone book on Greg’s desk. Glancing over I thought that might make a cute picture but my camera is upstairs and well, it’s upstairs!! I am finally reading my photography book that Greg gave me for my birthday and am trying to venture past the two automatic settings that I always use, which I like to refer to as the flower and the mountain. Close up flower, far away mountain.. Oh it was all so simple then. I feel the need to go to a bookstore - I hope I can talk the girls into it. Erin just finished “Animal Farm” and Monica is back into the Narnia chronicles because she wants to be ready for the Movie this Christmas. She had a great discussion about Harry Potter with a medical student at the hospital yesterday. And then there was this brief discussion about Lemony Snicket’s, "Hostile Hospital" with her pediatrician. When Monica started off talking about it she made me laugh but then it started getting quite gruesome and the Dr. started looking at me like she might have to get social work involved here. And to be truthful I don’t even know if that stuff was in the book or if Monica was making it up. Maybe I should read it. Anyway, rainy day, pancake brunch, book store, lots of coffee, and maybe if I get everything caught up I’ll write a little more on my short story. It’s called The Sky Dwellers – a fantasy.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

tired

It’s beginning to get dark around six o’clock now a days. Around eight every evening, I take the dogs on a walk. I enjoy this routine and forgot how much I missed it with Annie. When I was walking the puppies the other night, the wind suddenly picked up considerably, blowing about leaves and white scraps of paper, Macdonald boxes and small downed tree branches. Even a few wayward garbage can lids slid like curling rocks along the leave strewn street before hitting the curbs. And although there was this crisp chill in the air to accompany the wind, the charcoal sky that pressed in around me felt warm. The sky seemed deeper then usual and I watched it half spellbound as light gray clouds with indigo bottoms meandered past a wiry crescent moon. I slowly walked my route making one quick stop at the library to slip my book through the after hour slot, listening for the quiet thud. When I turned around one of the new buses, all window and yellow light, went by displaying clearly the commuters. On the school’s lawn the flag pole was cast in silvery light and above the red leaf was whipping back and forth trying to free itself from its aluminum trunk. So unlike the half bare, red maple tree nearby, who gently gave her leaves up, letting them swirl away from her.

As I turned off this busier street onto a quieter residential one, the smell of wood smoke greeted me. Fireplaces were finally being put to use and that smell and the November chill went wonderful together. Walking by homes, it was hard not to glance into the ones with their curtains open. Their bright windows drew me like a moth and I felt rather pleased glimpsing a polished banister of a stranger’s staircase as it climbed to another floor, or a set of kitchen cabinets with one door open displaying boxes of cereal or a family sitting down to a game of cards at the dining room table. I love that cozy feeling of being outside of something brighter and looking in.

When I finally stepped across the threshold of my own home, unsnapping leashes from collars I was greeted with the smell of the apple and cinnamon scented plug-in I purchased earlier that day, while Erin and Monica laughed about something as they stood in the kitchen filling tumblers with cranberry juice. I have to say that walk produced a sigh, a flash of contentment, a moment of well-being. I wish I could bottle that.


I had written the previous post a little while ago but ending up not wanting to post it because I thought it was kind of corny but this will teach me to knock on wood whenever I utter that Content word. I just spent the last three days worried out of my head over Monica. After three trips to the Doctors in seven day and spending four hours in emerg with her this morning, combined with a few sleepless nights I’m exhausted but at this point very relieved. I was so fearful she might have ended up needing a transfusion like she had to have in the past but she is fine. Someday I might blog about my children’s medical history but for now I am relieved that Monica is improving after her little episode. Meanwhile Greg is in New Brunswick for his Mom’s Eightieth Birthday and he was going to fly back today if Monica had to stay in the hospital but everything worked out fine. Not that I didn’t miss him terriably during this mini crisis. Erin was great though. She held down the fort for me and looked after the dogs and only had one little mishap with them that involved a bag of potatoes and a few rolls of toilet paper. I had learned to keep drawers and doors shut around here but forgot to pass on this information to Erin.
Anyway, Monica has colour in her cheeks and is feeling stronger and all is well. Whew!!

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

blue ball

Friday, November 04, 2005

all quiet

Some day I am going to peek out my back door and find them both in the pear tree. It wouldn’t surprise me. It is a beautiful November day. The trees have all turned apricot and brick
The squirrels are racing about. Lucky seems to be at the door earlier these evenings preferring now to spend more time at home, curled up on the arm of the sofa. It has been a nice fall here so far. My youngest brother is now a father. I can’t wait to see my newest nephew. Next summer seems a long way off. (Sigh) My brother will be a great Dad.

I am reading the Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. It is a wonderful read but heartrending. Also went to see North Country on Tuesday night and I thought it was excellent. For the most part these days I divide my time between the few jobs I’m doing for Greg, walking the dogs, helping the girls with homework and trying to keep this house in some semblance of order. In a few minutes Monica and I will walk the dogs to the video store. Get a movie for this evening. We might kick up a few fall leaves on the way and try to keep the dogs from chasing down every squirrel they see.


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