behindtheax

Sunday

Sunday and I thought maybe I would sneak down here and write for a few hours because I have been writing so little. Lately I never seem to get chunks of time big enough to get into my stories. I hover at the edge, changing a line here, changing a line there, kind of knowing where I want to go with it but afraid to start out because I will be called back and then I’ll get frustrated. But then again, I am happy to be busy these days. Well my version of busy, which probably falls very short of other’s people definition of busy.

Greg and I went to a dinner party last evening. It was a friend’s birthday and it was a very nice evening out. One of the guests sat down at the piano after the meal and began to play and sing and he was so good – and then the birthday guy pulled out his guitar and it began to feel a bit like a down east kitchen party, the only thing missing was a harmonica and a fiddle. It was fun. Before the party I ended up taking Monica to the Harry Potter movie. The 3:30 show. We had asked Erin to join us but she opted for going shopping with her friends. I enjoyed the movie and Monica absolutely loved it. Today we are off to find light fixtures and flooring for the kitchen - Really, I have no right to complain about absolutely anything. I am thankful everyday for the things I have been giving but still I got this dull ache yesterday, this incrediable sinking feeling, when I opened up my e mail and found yet another rejection note from an ezine. Immediately afterwards, I told myself. “That’s it. How many times do I have to hear this before I catch a clue? I’m not thick skinned enough for this.” But then the sinking feeling rebounded a bit this morning and I was aching to try again -- telling myself that I just need to write more, edit more, try a new approach, read more, put more effort into it. A part of me is real enough to know this dream may never be fulfilled and I hope some day I can come to grips with that but at the same time I don’t know who I would end up becoming without this dream? And I get so much enjoyment from it and I know that should be enough, I wish that could be enough – I hate that sinking feeling that accompanies every rejection.

posted by mary j. @ 10:35 AM