behindtheax

butterfly on beach pea 

posted by mary j. @ 9:47 PM 0 Comments

white churches everywhere 

posted by mary j. @ 9:46 PM 0 Comments

Ocean air 

posted by mary j. @ 9:45 PM 0 Comments

home

He was flying low, slightly above the trees when he crossed the highway directly in front of us. I would have to say his wingspan was ten feet. He was massive and Greg and I and the girls were awestruck as we stared out the car’s front window at him. We had seen eagles from the boat, far off but this was the closest sighting for us by far. It was an adult – a mature, powerful bird with a head of tight, snowy feathers. I can’t tell you how fortunate I felt seeing him (or her)that close. We all watched silently as he soared away over the trees. It gave me goose bumps. They say it is unlucky for a black cat to cross your path but I think if it’s a bald headed eagle that’s crossing in front of you it must be a good sign. How could it not be? this happened on the evening of our last day as we were driving to Greg’s sisters place for dinner – grilled salmon on a cedar plank followed by a game of washer toss. We ended the evening on the beach with a fire and the river so still it looked like a grey metal floor.

Once again I feel awake. – with two weeks of family and nature and looking out over the water – the river, the bay, the ocean – I feel I can handle the city – give it another go. Become productive and happy. I know happy is one of those cotton candy type words and maybe that isn’t quite the word I’m thinking of but I sort of feel that all is how it should be for me. Mind you this will probably all wear off in a few days but right now I feel content. It was like a dose of confidence spending time back east. I played 18 holes of golf with some of my brothers and brother-in-laws (my sisters don’t play), spent long days at the beach, had many great conversations with my sisters and my father, had many small day excursions along the coast, went to my 25th high school reunion, Monica and Erin really enjoyed their cousins. It was over all a very successful vacation. The only thing I missed out on was going fly-fishing with Greg one morning. He said it was unbelievable. They didn’t catch anything because it was too hot for the fish to be biting but he could easily see the salmon lazily swimming along. His friend took him back to a beautiful part of the river. Sometimes it makes sense to be away just because the appreciation we both have for that area seems to keep growing every year.
And once again I had my fill of lobster, crab and salmon while I was home. They even sell lobster rolls at MacDonald’s back east. Oh, and last but not least my brother in law took me for a ride along the shore road on his new Harley. That was so much fun. Only the second time I was ever on a motorcycle.

So once again I am pleasantly filled with family, seafood, conversations, star filled skies, salt water, wild rose bushes and wild beach pea. I did miss Sandy a great deal on this visit. It was a little strange that way. I don’t have many reminders here of her but there every time I turned around something or someone made me think of her.

However, here I am home in Toronto again and feeling capable of tackling anything. I hope this feeling last at least till the end of the summer.

posted by mary j. @ 4:21 PM 0 Comments

weekend

I laughed at this quote in The Catcher in the Rye.

“I gave her a good look. She didn’t look like any dope to me. She looked like she might have a pretty damn good idea what a bastard she was the mother of. But you can’t always tell - with somebody’s mother. I mean. Mothers are all slightly insane.”

Four more days and we leave for the East Coast. The countdown is on. Saturday we spent the day in rural Ontario, on a beach. A very popular and crowded beach but it was fun. Monica and I had walked a bit of a distance out into the surf and were waiting for the bigger waves to dive into or over when we heard this small, excited voice behind us. A little boy maybe six or seven had joined us and he was calling out, “Here one comes, here one comes, it’s going to be a big one! Get ready!” I looked over at him and there he was standing there with his hands clenched and his elbows pressed against his sides and he looked so excited as he waited for these waves to wash over him. Gosh he was a cute little guy. I was relieved however that his mother called for him from the shoreline and told him to come back in a little. Not that we were out that far but it scares me when I see smaller kids alone in the water. So, we spent a long leisurely day at the beach and then we hustled a little to see if we could find a camping spot so that we didn’t have to drive all the way back into the city but the only camp ground we found was this run down place that was crowded with an eclectic crowd of happy campers. Very happy campers -
Our friend and his daughter had joined us (they also spent the day at the beach) and I think about two in the morning I was beginning to fear for all of our lives. Some of the campfires people had going were the size of their tents and they were shooting off missile like fire works all over the place and as I laid there on the hard surface listening to the arguments and the boom boom of the music and waited for that misguided fire work to rip through our tent, it dawned on me. I don’t like camping anymore. I think I toasted my last marsh mellow over a campfire and slept my last night on the ground with small rocks poking into my back.

On the way home the next day we were all tired but the scenery was nice – farmland and the lake and people out whipper snipping their ditches in front of these huge yards and old homes. I mentioned to Greg that for some reason driving in a car always gives me a sense of well being and he said he knew that and he always thought it was a bit odd that when we first started dating that I would ignore him completely when we drove anywhere and instead just stare out the passenger side window for long stretches at a time.

That made me remember that when I was a kid, when we went on car trips, I use to pretend I was on a horse running beside the car. It was very important that I kept up with the car and therefore I had to leap mailboxes, weave in and out of trees, race along the ditches and through fields of cows and corn. It was how I tried to become a part of the scenery.

posted by mary j. @ 10:45 AM 0 Comments