behindtheax

odd morning

I had taking down the poem I posted yesterday. Sometimes I have a difficult time knowing what to share and what to keep. March is behaving badly. I want to sit her down and explain to her that her task is to prepare us slowly and surely for spring, not to run amok throwing every piece of weather she can find at us. Yesterday she gave us cloud, she gave us rain, she gave us thunder and lightening, and bits of sunshine. Today she decided we needed some more cold – it is freezing out there. March, March, March – now enough of that!

The last few nights I have been having dreams about my sisters, all of them, and other members of my family, old friends – they are such jumbled dreams it is hard to write about them. My late sister, I don’t want to call her that. Sandy is always suppose to be coming to where ever we are gathered but she is late, I never actually see her in the dreams but we mention her a lot. At one point we are at this beach and these gigantic waves are coming in, splashing against the rocks. I had asked if Sandra was coming down and everyone said she was but I remember wondering how she would get there and then remembered she had a little blue car. For great parts of these dreams we are traveling. Gaspe always plays a big part in my traveling dreams also distant planets. At one point we’re lying under this night sky that has several different moons fading and appearing and swirling comets and stars in all different positions and spaceships zipping by and one of my sisters is lying there next to me saying, “Gosh, there really is nothing nicer than getting to see a new sky.”

There is a little kitten in the dreams too that we keep meeting up with and taking care of, I think there were many different kittens? At one point I remember standing near this long, long bridge…that stretched off in to the horizon and this young pretty woman is directing cars onto the bridge. We walk up to her and my sister asks if it is open now and the woman replies yes. I ask my sister what bridge is this and she says it is the one we take home but it is only open in the summer months and that is why we had to take the ship on the way here.

Another part of the dream my sister is driving and coming upon all these huge red signs that warn of lights ahead -and I am telling her that there are lights ahead but she is flying through them, all red and I am getting angry and telling her to slow down when she gets to these giant signs and she is saying, “I don’t know when to stop. The lights are not clearly marked where to stop so I keep going through”…and I am yelling at her and saying “if you just slow down you will be able to stop quicker” and she is telling me not to tell her what to do. It was weird. Now I am awake and can’t remember the rest but when I dream of family, especially when it is vivid – it leaves me restless, like I want to run away – I don’t know if it is that I want to run back to them or run from something inside myself, or the path that I am on? By noon this feeling will fade just like the dreams but sometimes I wonder what these feelings are about?

Slats of white wood
Lines of pale light
Cream on chocolate
Morning through my window

posted by mary j. @ 9:16 AM