behindtheax

2005

I woke this morning early and wanted to write something about the coming year or reflect on the past year or write about the Tsunami. How fragile things can be. How powerful things can be. The memories of 2004 will linger for a very long time and I wonder what I can take with me from the past year to help me move forward into this new one. The strongest thing I feel right now and hope so much to hang onto is how fortunate I am to be well and in the midst of love ones. To see this brand new morning and all her cold beauty, I am very thankful. When the death toll kept rising and rising over the last few days, I couldn’t help but feel guilty that here I sat unscathed, that none of that pain belonged to me, that I was so far removed from it. Guilt is a very selfish feeling and does nothing for no one. Generosity is what is important now.

We rang in the New Year with friends last night and I was happy to be there. I usually put so little effort into maintaining friendships and actually go out of my way to avoid social situations and I always defend this with “this is who I am,” but I am now beginning to see this as a flaw in my character that I need to try to correct. How can I grow if I don’t reach out, embrace others, learn from others, accept others? I will try harder this year.

Most of all I just want to appreciate the choices I had made and the ones I will make and not let fear have any sway in these choices.

May 2005 be gentle to our world.

posted by mary j. @ 10:50 AM